My mind has wondered through the book of Philippians for the past eight hours. I wish I could say it was all of desire to read, but it was also for the fact of writing a paper. It has always been amazing to read the words of Paul. How can you not admire a man like him. There are not to many people that I am jealous of, but Paul is one of them. By the end of this semester I will know the book of Philippians better than I realize how good the Illini truly are.......just kidding. I am fortunate enough to have an opportunity to study the book of Philippians for this semester in Greek. I look forward to what is in-store. I do know that this book holds a lot of truths about life and encouraging words that if you let them will get in your skin and get your blood flowing for the real reason that I am here, for others, for love, for God. Paul wanted so bad to be in heaven with his creator, but he knew his work here wasn't done. Not that I want to go home now, but I know my work is not done. This up and down roller coaster that I have been on with some confidence and none will hopefully end soon, but until then I continually pray that I give my all for that day to God and he gives me one more day with him. Thank you to those who have written me words of encouragement. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

I haven't been me for a while now. I don't know how to start or where to begin. All I know is that I am not who I want to be. I somehow forgot what it was like to be confident in the things I do and believe that I am doing all things for the right reasons. That is part of the problem, I was doing to many things and it finally caught up to me. The realization of being over-committed hit me hard. I was trying to do to many things and not doing the things that are most important with all that I have to offer. Funny how pride gets in the way of what we try to do and how we can feel good about committing to more and more. Fortunately in the long run we fall down and need help getting back up. I don't know if I have allowed myself to get back up yet. Slowly I am opening up to let those around me know how I feel and that I need help. Like I said, I haven't been myself for a while now. I think we try to supplement the love and joy of God with so many things here. At least I seemed to have been doing that, until lately. Slowly I am letting go of things in my life that I don't I need. Why is it hard to admit when we are wrong? Why do we not let go of some things so easily and other things are not a problem at all. I got to worship down in Lexington, KY at Southland CC last weekend and for that hour and a half, it was the most content I had felt in a long time. I was able to put everything aside and live in the moment. Even yesterday at church during worship, I felt the same. I was in this zone of just me and my God. It was awesome. Why do we not live in the moment or even the day more? I think we tend to think ahead way to much. That is to bad. I know where my joy comes from, but for some reason I am not seeking it as needed. I seem to go through days with these blinders on and I don't see anything but greys. Then days like yesterday and today, this picture I see in front of me is amazing. What am I not letting go or holding back from God? It is probably ME. I don't expect anyone to tell me, just need a prayer here and there to see the joy that I truly am missing out on.

A little sidebar that is bringing me joy.....Derrick, my cousin, is in Wisconsin and will be home in four days. Derrick has been serving in Iraq for over a year and while he has been gone I have had the joy and pleasure of watching his kids, Lydia and Drew grow up. So many times I wished he was there instead of me, but I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am for that family finally getting back together after a year in which I saw so many changes on the outside with my extended family and on the inside of watching them also grow. Thank you God for what you have done for Sarah & Derrick. You got him this far, please bring him here safely.

My heart is good, my mind is weak. Which is going to win in the end? I think we all know. I thank God for giving me one more day with him. I pray that tomorrow I do things well and pleasing to the only one that matters in the long run....YOU LORD.

I always enjoy lunches and good conversations. I got to have lunch with a good friend today and we to talking about photography and what we wanted this next year to be like. Recently I wrote about photos in my journal, so I thought I would share what I wrote. Thanks for lunch and good conversation today Mandy.

Why is so hard to see the futuring looking bright? When you see how at times things of the past were as we thought perfect. Whether that be with jobs, family, life, love, you name it all of at some point have seen snipets of perfection. Even if it were for a split second, God has shown us his perfection through only the eyes that matter, HIS. It is hard not to see some pictures as perfection. Honestly if you look at a picture, it doesn't change, move, it is one still shot of a glimpse at something or someone that at the moment in time whether be out of curiosity, love, sincerety, or funny was perfect to someone. Don't you wish you could have still picture of the future? We love to look back and see how cute, great, wonderful something was. These past few weeks have been some of the bleakest and at times hard to comprehend with all the tragedies of war and the tsunami hitting around the world.

What picture are you taking today or do you want to take? Who would it be with and where would it be?

I think we always want to stop time for a split second to not lose that one thing, image of whatever. Pictures can bring me peace and joy along with sadness of losing someone and only having a picture to remember them by.

What do you think your picture with God be like? Has he been apart of every exposure of your life? How can we make him seen in the places, poses, interactions we are apart of everyday?

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't there a saying along the lines of, "a picture is worth a thousand words." My God does not have a number of worth, he already paid the price. The tags are cut off. Purchased in full.